Chicken limbo's the one, big fun! Does anyone else remember that catchy commercial? No? Just me, okay. I admit, my ADHD takes my writing through some comparisons only a few will catch. But I feel like I live in this big world of limbo.
I wanted to be a mom my entire life.
I wanted to be nothing but a mom for the 5 years we were trying to conceive.
Then by chance, I became a mom. Our beautiful daughter came to us just under 6 months old through the foster care system. I fell in love immediately. As did my husband and our entire family. We wanted to love her into a life of perfection no matter where her forever home would be. And to our great surprise, our home was her forever home. We adopted her eight months later. She's our "first born" our "miracle". And she's everything we could have hoped for. But I still didn't feel like I fit in any mom circles.
Who she looks like.
How long it took her to sleep through the night.
It turns out moms don't usually just talk about their children in mom circles. They talk mostly about how they got them. And this is mostly because I'm a "young(ish) mom" and so are all of my friends. I had no advice to offer to the newly pregnant mom, the mom with the newborn, the mom who's about to give birth, the mom whos going to breastfeed. I didn't have any of these "rights of passage".
Then I hung out with "older moms"...but I only had one kid. ONE. Oh my easy easy life with just the one...Now I didn't share these things...
Who loves who more.
My "last" baby.
So back to my infertile friends group. Nope, just kidding. The ones that have resolved their fertility by eventually getting pregnant had all of the things the first group had on me. And all of the friends that hadn't had children yet were rightfully not ready to discuss my child's stories. And all of these differences were totally okay, it's just...I didn't know where to go with all of my new mom energy.
Then I thought, let's transfer that last embryo, one last go.
Our second daughter walked through our door almost one year to date from our first. She was supposed to stay the weekend. And now she's lovingly here forever. And they are both so amazing!! Now I have two toddlers that are 2 weeks apart in age. Cool, maybe I'll fit in with that old mom group now.
Now I'm just the freak of the group!
"It's like you have twins!"
"How do you do it?"
"Did you even want to keep her?"
"I could never do that"
and my favorite...
"But what about YOUR baby?...When will you try again?"
I don't know, guys. I don't know. I do have MY babies. I'm a mom. I adopted. One kiddoe has a very closed case, the other a very open case. Neither came to me as newborns. AND I'M STILL INFERTILE. I don't know how to grieve my lack of genetic connection to these babies, I don't know how to grieve the lack of connection with my friends about their pregnancies, I don't know to make new mom friends without being the freak with the twins that aren't twins that are two different races.
And then? Still want last little embryo that could.
Well, friends. It turns out that I just belong to the coolest group left. Human. HUMAN! I'm a human, married to another human, that raises other little humans, and is still trying to make humans. And I'm just going to do my best to continue to be a human who supports all humans whether they have other little humans or not :).
Have a super cool week, guys.